Transformer Bella and other Clichés
by peregrin01
Summary: Yet another overused theme: Bella becomes an autobot.
1. Betrayal

Betrayal

**AN:** _OK, here's the deal: I've read a couple of fanfics based on original but very far-fetched axioms. That wouldn't be so bad by itself - axioms are indisputable. Only if the rest of the story wasn't weird and far-fetched as well (I'm not criticising actual quality of the stories, just the inconsistency of logic in them).  
Example: Yes, SM wrote that Jacob kissed Bella against her will and that Charlie approved. However, Charlie felt bad about it afterwards and Jacob certainly isn't some kind of dark monster set to destroy Bella's happiness for no apparent reason.  
So, I've decided to make a collage of several clichés I've read and write a great bashing of (almost) every character other than Bella. If you recognize a piece of your own story here, please don't be angry with me, I mean no harm. Don't take me seriously, I only mean this story as a joke (that is, if you find the idea of Bella killing everybody funny).  
Warning: this story contains humiliation and harm of a person on a wheelchair. _

**The summer between "Twilight" and "New Moon":**

Jacob Black (already shape-shifting shape-shifter), Mike Newton (normal human boy) and Demetri of Volturi (old and sick vampire) had one thing in common: they coveted Bella's truck. To be more precise, they were envious of her relation to the car. Bella loved the red beast as soon as she saw it. It had her soul.

Jacob and his father Billy owned the truck before and it had been actually Jacob who fixed everything that needed to be fixed before Billy sold the truck to Charlie. However, Jacob hated the truck. It required constant maintenance and it stood in the way of building his rabbit from a scratch. He expected Bella to hate the truck as well and believed that it would break down soon enough but the exact opposite happened. Also, he was a black-hearted monster who hated everybody and everything.

Demetri could buy any car he wanted but since he was an old and sick vampire, he wouldn't be able to love it like Bella loved her truck. Plus, he was a member of the Volturi guard and it's a common knowledge that Volturi do a lot of evil things just for the fun of it. As for Mike, he was simply jealous of anybody and anything that was loved by Bella because he himself wasn't.

And so the three of them got together to conspire. Why? Because everything is better when there is some kind of conspiracy behind it.

"So, what are we going to do, boys?" asked Mike.

"Who do you call boy you dumb piece of a weak human?" snarled Demetri.

Mike stuttered, "I... I'm sorry. It's just that you look so young. I..."

"You just didn't think you idiot. Why are we even suffering you here? Why don't I simply drain your blood?" interrupted him Demetri.

"You can't do that!," exclaimed Mike. "Jacob here would phase. He is a protector of humans you know."

"I think I would make an exception in your case," sneered Jacob.

Mike quickly started to think and in brief moment of geniality said, "But I can be useful to you. Whatever we are going to do will have much greater psychological effect on Bella if I participate!"

"Why?" asked both Jacob and Demetri.

"Because I'm such a pathetic weakling. If one of you, for example, stole the truck from her, she would just think that it wasn't in her power to stop it. But in my case..."

Jacob and Demetri pondered that for a while and then relaxed. Mike let out the breath he was holding.

"So, you say that we should steal the truck?" asked Demetri.

"Well, that was just the first thing I thought about."

"Guys, let's face it. We don't want her truck. It's an old piece of junk," said Jacob.

Demetri nodded and asked the others, "At first, we need to ask ourselves if we want to do something that might hurt Bella. She is quite attached to the truck."

Jacob cried, "Hell yeah! I'll do anything to achieve our goal and if it hurts Bella in the process then I'll call it a bonus."

Demetri was taken aback a little and asked, "I don't want to be seen as a pansy but why do you hate her so much? Isn't she your friend?"

"Was. But then she decided to hook up with the Emoward. I don't want to be jealous or anything but being dumped for Emoward? That hurts my ego. And of course, the truck seems to cooperate with her more then it did with me. That also hurts my ego."

Mike cleared his throat and said, "I agree. She should hurt for making us jealous. And why do you care? Aren't you supposed to be an old and sick vampire?"

"I am and I do not care. I just thought it would be interesting to be seen as good guy for a moment."

Jacob spoke. "OK. That leads us back to the original question: What are we going to do?"

They stood there for a moment and then Mike proposed, "So, is there anybody here who is against damaging or even destroying the car?"

"What do you have in mind?" asked Jacob.

"I don't know. Scratching the paint..."

Demetri started to laugh and said, "No. If you want to do something, do it thoroughly!"

"Yes," agreed Jacob.

Demetri continued, "We shall damage the truck beyond repair. We shall bite through its tires, tear its bodywork, snap its axles..."

"OK, OK. We don't need an enumeration of car parts," interrupted him Jacob.

Mike asked, "Ehm, and what about me? I'm just a human, I can't tear metal."

"Well, you can take a baseball bat and break the glass parts as an appetizer," proposed Jacob.

After the three conspirators agreed on this point of conspiracy, they moved to the next one.

"So, where is Bella going to be when we do this?" asked Mike.

"Well, that's obvious. We'll make her watch," answered Demetri.

"Er, isn't she going to try to stop us?" asked Mike again.

Jacob laughed and answered, "Well, at least one of us will always stand in her way while the others do the work. At first me and Demetri while you break the glass and then you will obstruct her while we do some real damage to the vehicle."

"Well, I don't think I could do that," whispered Mike.

Demetri grinned and replied, "Of course, we forgot that she could kick your ass if she wanted. Well, then I shall take turns with Jacob in standing in her way and destroying the truck. However, I don't think that she would be able to stop me even if she somehow got around Jacob."

Mike relaxed and beamed but then frowned again. He said, "I've been thinking. After we do this, she will be quite angry with us, right? And she might come and get a revenge. You two don't need to worry about that. However, I do - since I'm just a weak human. But if I was a vampire..."

Jacob and Demetri started to laugh like a pair of hyenas. Demetri told Mike, "No way. I won't stain our race by such a pathetic excuse for a person."

Jacob calmed Mike down, "Don't worry, Bella is such a kind girl that she simply isn't able to harm anybody. You could do to her practically anything and she would forgive you."

And so their horrific plan was almost finished. However, there was one big obstacle in their way: Bella was protected by a coven of vampires. They started to discuss the matter and couldn't find any solution. Suddenly, they were interrupted by a cough.

"Master?" gasped Demetri because the cough came from Aro who was for the whole time standing in the shade of a nearby tree and nobody noticed him.

He spoke to them, "Good morning, gentlemen. I've been listening to your plans and I've found them quite interesting. If you don't mind, I would like to help you with them."

Mike blinked a few times and asked, "Excuse me sir, why do you want to get involved in this?"

"I'm Aro."

The three conspirators looked at him expectantly for a while.

"I'm Aro, this is what I do," elaborated the leader of the Volturi.

"Ooookayyy," drawled Jake.

Aro went to the house of the Cullen's.

"Carlisle, my old friend!" he exclaimed when he stepped in. He immediately marched towards him with his hand extended.

"Aro, what a lovely surprise," said Carlisle but kept his hand in his pocket.

"Aren't you going to shake my hand?" asked Aro.

"Well, sure, why not?" replied Carlisle and did so.

Aro immediately started to divert Carlisle by meaningless blubber, "Oh, what a great progress you've made. Would you like to deliver a speech about your lifestyle on a vampire convention one day? That would be so illuminating! And what a lovely family you've gathered."  
Then he went to the point, "I see that there's another mind reader in your family. Could I meet him?"

Soon, Aro was shaking Edward's hand. Edward was tense and immediately shrieked, "Bella won't be a soulless monster like me! I'll rather kill her!"

Aro chuckled and calmed him down, "Don't worry my young friend, you can keep her human if you wish."

As Aro sifted through his mind, he learned absolutely everything. He learned about Edward's emo-wardness, Rosalie's distaste for Bella, Alice's love for shopping, Esme's motherly instincts, Jaspers problem with his diet and such. He already knew from the Carlisle's handshake that he had a soft spot for his youngest son.

They all assembled in the living room and Aro spoke to them, "I see that you have a problem - Victoria."

"What about her?" asked Emmett.

"She will come for Bella one day, to have a revenge - mate for mate," answered Aro.

"Do you really think so? I always thought that she would want to destroy me," disagreed Edward.

Aro shook his head and said, "Edward, how thick can you be? Isn't it sort of obvious?"

Edward hung his head and agreed, "Well, when you put it this way, it is."

Aro chortled and proposed, "Don't worry though - my friend Demetri will hunt her down and take care of her. In exchange, I would like you to participate on a certain experiment of mine."

"What experiment?" asked Carlisle suspiciously.

"I need you to leave Bella for a few months," replied Aro solemnly.

There were several exclamations when he said that.

"No! She is my best friend!" cried Alice.

"She is like my daughter!" sobbed Esme.

"Good riddance!" laughed Rosalie.

"Yes! She is in danger from me!" bellowed Edward.

Aro addressed them all, "My friends, please calm down and let me explain. Edward, you currently hate yourself for staying with Bella, right? Well, then I advise you to leave for a while. Bella will be devastated, you'll see that, return to her and you will know that there isn't any other option than staying with her. Plus, you would have a great excuse to mope around and submerge yourself in your emo nature in the meantime."

Edward's eyes lightened up - it was a great idea!

Aro continued, "Esme, when you return, you will be able to shower Bella with you motherly love. Just imagine how attached to you she'll become! Alice, when you return, you will be able to take her shopping and Bella won't object because she'll be glad that you are back."

He told similar things to others and soon, all the Cullens were thrilled about the idea. Immediately, they started to make plans and decided to leave after Bella's birthday.

Demetri set out to track Victoria down that very day. However, he didn't kill her when he caught her but he took care of her all right. They found love in each other and Victoria forgot all about James. She still hated the stupid human girl but Demetri told her about their plan and she was more than satisfied.

* * *

It was Bella's birthday. She didn't want to have a party because she could sense that something bad was coming but Alice and Edward made her to come anyway. The Cullens were beside themselves with excitement - the plan was about to come to life.

They gave her their gifts, until it was Alice's turn. Bella looked at the parcel warily, the paper looked quite sharp. Knowing that she was surrounded by vampires, she started to unwrap the gift very, very carefully.

"Oh, unwrap it already!" exclaimed Alice when she saw that Bella wasn't about to cut herself.

"Yeah, getting there," replied Bella and tore the paper a bit more.

"Blood! She have cut herself!" yelled Jasper and prepared to attack.

"No, I didn't! Edwa..." Bella didn't finish because her boyfriend flung her across the room.

There was a commotion. At least, that was the way it seemed to Bella - for the Cullens, it was all controlled and rehearsed. Bella crashed into a table and broke all the glasses and plates that were there. Luckily, she managed to twisted herself in mid-air in the right way so she wasn't cut.

"It's all right Jasper, it's just a little... BLOOD!" said Alice and shrieked the last word.

"No, there isn't any blood. See, I'm unharmed," corrected her Bella but nobody paid her any attention.

"You need stitches. Emmett, Alice, get Jasper out of here," said Carlisle.

"I'm sorry, I need to go. I can't handle the smell," excused herself Esme.

"What smell? I don't smell anything but I swear - it wasn't me!" exclaimed Bella.

Rosalie left with a grin. Edward stood nearby and had a hard time to make a tortured face.

"Go away Edward. You need to be alone a mope," told him Carlisle.

"No way! I want you explain to me what is going on here!" shouted Bella but Edward was already leaving.

Carlisle disinfected Bella's arm and wanted to give her some stitches but she put her foot down at that point. He tried to distract her with wish-to-be-wise nonsense about soul and respecting Edward's wishes. Bella asked him whether he didn't recently fed on a cow which had BSE.

Edward took Bella back home later. Then he pulled out his emo-act and moped whenever he was with Bella for the next two days. Bella sensed that something was amiss and tried to make him talk about it but she had no success.

Then Edward missed school one day and when she came home, he was already waiting for her. She followed and dread started to build in her. Edward led her into the forest for a while and then they stopped to talk.

"We are leaving Bella," he said sombrely.

"What? You are leaving me?!" she shrieked.

"What happened at the party... Wait a minute, you are supposed to think that we are going to take you with us."

"I can tell from your face what you are going to do. If you were going to take me with you, your tone would be different."

Edward was disappointed, he had been looking forward to the moment when Bella would realize what was going on and when something would snap in her. Nevertheless, he continued, "What happened at the party was a proof that there's a time for a change."

"No, what what happened at the party was a proof that your whole family drank from diseased animals! You make no sense!" snapped Bella.

"I'm leaving Bella because I don't love you. In fact, I never did. I'm sorry I need to say that explicitly but I'm not sure if you would come to that conclusion on your own. We are all leaving and we shall never ever return and it will be as if I never existed."

"Nooooo! Edward, wait! I don't know what is happening but we can work through this!"

"No, we can't - I enjoy this too much. Take care. By the way, your house is that way."

Of course, he directed her in the opposite direction. He lightly kissed her on her forehead and ran away. Bella started to scream his name, it was a heavenly music to his ears. He watched as she stumbled around the forest, trying to find him.

"Hi, how is it going?" whispered Sam to Edward. Sam came to see where Bella would end so he could easily "find her" later and be a hero in Charlie's eyes.

"I've already left her. I wonder what is she going to do now," whispered Edward back.

Bella in the meantime cried and sobbed and stumbled around. Emmett came to watch as well because he considered the way Bella fell every few steps hilarious. Then the audience was joined by a few more wolves, Quill even brought popcorn.

In the end, Bella went in the opposite direction than Edward showed her. She thought that she would find Edward that way. To the great disappointment of everybody, she arrived at her house instead. Edward, Sam and the others left in disgust.

Bella couldn't understand how she ended up at her house but she blamed her bad orientation sense. Then she made a decision. Charlie was still at work so that gave her some time. She took a clothes-line from the house and went back to the forest. She found a suitable branch and made a noose.

However, Demetri was nearby and when she hung herself, he quickly tore the line. Bella thought that it snapped under her weight. She went back to the house again and wanted to take some pills but Demetri replaced them with sugar replicas. In the end, she drove to La Push and threw herself from the cliffs. Jacob saved her though and threatened to tell Charlie unless she stopped.

"They would lock you into an asylum! And you know what they would do to you in there!" he growled.

And so, Bella decided to try to go on. Charlie was quite happy when he heard that Edward left. He didn't like Bella's relationship with him because he was too perfect and that made him look bad in comparison. Of course, he didn't care at all that Bella was ruined in the process.

Slowly but surely, Bella started to get better. A month passed and she made good friends with Jacob Black. Sure, he was weird. Every other week, he told her that it wasn't safe for her to hang around with him and evaded her. He always came back though - he had to prepare the field for his plan after all and it would be no fun to break somebody who was already broken.

However, the greatest source of comfort to Bella was her truck. She sat in it for hours and hours and talked with it. It was the only thing that never let her down. She tended to spend especially long periods of time in it when girls at the school laughed at her for being dumped by Edward.

And then the day come when Demetri, Jacob and Mike decided to act. At first, Jacob called Bella and asked her to come to La Push. Bella was immediately suspicious and asked him why.

"I need you to come! It's really important!" he told her.

"OK. Jessica wanted to go the beach today so I can ride with her," she replied.

"No! You need to drive your truck!"

"Why?"

"Because... ehm... because I want to make some modifications on it."

That warmed Bella's heart, she loved the truck and was happy for it to get maintenance. She got behind the wheel and drove to the reservation. However, when she got to the boundary, Jacob was already waiting there for her. Mike and Demetri were with him. Bella stopped the car and got out.

"Jake, what's going on? Why are you waiting here with Mike and... a vampire?" she asked.

"Oh, Bella, Bella, my dear Bella. You will see soon enough," breathed Jacob.

Demetri approached her and introduced himself, "It's pleasure to finally meet you in person. I'm Demetri of the Volturi." Then he courteously kissed her hand.

"OK, why are we here?" asked Bella.

Mike was beside himself with anxiety and whined, "Let's get on with it already!"

Jacob and Demetri nodded at each other and positioned themselves between Bella and her truck. They folded their arms and stood side by side like a pair of bouncers. Mike took out a baseball bat.

"No! What are you doing?!" she screamed but the boys just laughed.

"Let me show you," sneered Mike and took a swing. He wanted to break a reflector but he hit the hood instead. The bat rebounded and hit Mike in his head. He fell to the ground unconscious.

Demetri and Jacob looked at each other. "If you want something done, do it yourself," said Demetri.

While the vampire held his ground, Jacob took the bat.

"Nooooo!" screamed Bella.

Jacob prepared to strike, briefly looked back at Bella and then broke the front window. Bella yelled at him to stop but as Jacob broke other windows, her yelling slowly turned into sobbing. She tried to get around Demetri but every time she moved, there was a blur and the vampire stood in her way again.

"Get out of my way!" shouted Bella.

"Or what? You're going to punch me? Well, that would break your hand. And even if I stepped aside, how exactly would you stop Jacob, heh?"

"I don't know..."

"Exactly. Because you are clueless! You don't even know that all of this is a secret conspiracy! It was us who convinced the Cullens to..." Demetri stopped himself and clapped his hands over his mouth. The damage was done, however. Demetri shook his head angrily and called at Jacob, "My turn now!" They switched places and Jacob offered Demetri the baseball bat but he nonchalantly refused.

The vampire jumped on the car and thrust his hands through the roof. Then he peeled the roof away like a top of a can, it stayed only partially connected to the rest of the car. Then he continued to destroy the rest of the car. He used his teeth _(important!)_ many times and the sound of screeching metal filled the area. Bella cried as she saw her bellowed truck turn into a heap of rusty metal.

"Why? Jacob, why are you doing this to your old truck?" sobbed Bella.

"Because I hate the stupid vehicle and it hates me!" answered Jacob. "Correction: it hated me."

Bella couldn't watch it any more. She turned away and started to walk slowly back to Forks. Jacob and Demetri loaded Mike on the back-seat of Demetri's car and followed Bella.

"Hey, do you want a lift?" asked Jacob.

"OK," replied Bella, her voice void of any emotion.

She reached for a handle but Demetri accelerated at that moment. Bella made a dash for it but the car was out of her reach already. Then Demetri slowed down again, apologized and made it look like he wasn't going to escape this time. Bella foolishly believed him but when she got to the car, Demetri pressed the pedal again. And that's how it was for the whole way.

"Hey, what are you doing?" sneered Jacob. "Why don't you drive your own car. Oh, wait a minute! You don't have any!"

Bella arrived home absolutely exhausted, both physically and emotionally. Charlie was already waiting there, shooting glares at her.

"Dad! Jacob and his friends destroyed my truck!" she cried.

Charlie's face became even more furious. He bellowed, "How dare you! Jacob told me what happened. You've had a fight with him when he told you to get over Edward. Then you got angry, took a baseball bat and destroyed the truck - the truck that he so lovingly took care of for so many years, the truck that I've bought for you with my last money!"

"That's a lie! It was Jacob!" sobbed Bella.

Charlie shouted, "Hah! Do you think I'm going to believe you over my La Push friends? Think again! You are a bad daughter and you are grounded. Starting now!"

"No, you don't understand! It's all an elaborate conspiracy! They are all in on it!" Charlie paid her no attention.

At school, Mike compensated himself for what he missed by spreading a twisted version of the story around the school. Jessica and Lauren sneered at her and made stupid comments for the whole day. Even the teachers looked at her disapprovingly. When the lunch came, Bella was at a verge of breaking down. She wanted to sit with Angela and Ben - they were her friends after all.

"Bella, we don't want you to sit with us," said Angela and Ben nodded.

"I'm sorry?" couldn't comprehend Bella.

"It wouldn't be good for our image. So please, go away," explained Ben.

When Charlie got home that day, he requested to talk to Bella. They sit in the kitchen and Bella already knew that something bad was coming.

He told her her, "Bella, when you came here, I was glad that I have somebody to cook, clean and do the laundry. However, you've been a mess lately and it's no longer so lucrative to keep you around. I want you to move back with your mother."

"What?" exclaimed Bella.

"You've heard me. Start arranging it immediately!" said Charlie resolutely.

Bella picked a phone and called her mother. There was yet another nasty surprise for her.

"Honey, I don't know what to say," said Renée after she listened to Bella's request.

"I don't know. That you are glad to hear it?" proposed Bella in unsure voice.

"You know, I've kept you around all these years because you took care of me. But now, I've got Phil. So no, I don't want you back. It's time for you to be on your own."

After the call to Renée, Bella broke down. She always loved her mother and would do anything for her. She never imagined that she would just dump her like that.

When Charlie heard the news, he told Bella, "This doesn't change anything. You have four hours to pack your things. Then I'll arrest you for trespassing."

Bella just nodded. Her face was full of tears. There was only one thing she could do then. She went to a cupboard and took a knife from a drawer.

"Put it back there you little thief!" bellowed Charlie.

Bella dropped the knife back in the drawer and pondered where she could obtain a blade. Or at least a sharp edge! She thought about the pieces of torn metal from her truck. That was it! It was dark already but she grabbed her coat and stumbled toward La Push. When she got to the boundary, she saw that the wreck of her truck was still there, just pulled aside.

Bella decided to spend a few last moments with her truck, before using it as a means of her suicide. She crawled inside and sat on remains of a seat. She lovingly stroked what was left of the dashboard and started to cry again. Ironically, she was more happy than she had been in the last month.

After an hour of shedding tears, she pressed her lips on the broken steering wheel and turned to the nearest jagged edge. She bared her wrists and brought them down on the metal plate. It hurt like hell and she realized that it burned more than it should. It was probably a place where Demetri had bitten. Of course, there wasn't enough venom to change her. In fact, she wouldn't want to became a vampire even if she could.

Bella just leaned back and listened to her dripping blood. Drip, drip, drip... like a clock. The blood pooled in the truck and mixed with her tears and Demetri's venom. Darkness started to veil her vision when amazing things started to happen.

Bella suddenly heard a ghostly voice in her head, _"Bellaaaaa..."_

She made herself to focus once more. She was too weak to speak so she at least thought back, _"Who is it?"_ However, her heart already knew the answer.

_"This is me, your truck."_

_"How is it possible? Am I loosing my mind?"_

The voice of the truck calmed her down, _"No Bella. Your love and care created me and your blood, tears and Demetri's venom have awakened me."_

Bella's mental voice was thick with emotion when she answered, _"Oh my truck, my beloved red beast. I'm so glad that we can keep each other company in our last moments."_

_"We are dying..."_ said the truck sadly.

_"Yes, they did this to us. Jacob, Demetri, Mike, Charlie, mum..."_

_"You are forgetting about the Cullens and I'm sure that Aro is in this as well."_

_"Is there anybody in this story who isn't responsible?"_

_"Nope, probably not."_

_"I wish we could have some kind of revenge,"_ said Bella wistfully.

_"Well, we could try,"_ replied the truck uncertainly.

_"What do you mean? We are finished."_

_"Bella, I think that something happened when your blood touched me. The venom probably supported it."_

_"Do you think about the same thing as I do?"_

_"Yes, let's see if we could take this further."_

Bella, strengthened with a new hope, pressed herself closer to the rusty metal. The pain was killing her but she didn't let it to stop her. As her flesh touched the metal, sparks of electricity run through the medium of blood and venom.

_"It's working!"_ said Bella and the truck together. Or maybe it was only one thought which was shared by both of them.

Sparks multiplied and there was magnetic hum in the air. The metal of the wreck started to twist and fold into itself. Bella felt burning in her veins and the truck wasn't any better off. They realized that they started to merge, both in mind and body.

Flesh connected with the metal and metal with flesh. Together, they formed a substance light years beyond anything that humanity could ever invent. In fact, it was light years beyond anything that any sentient race in the universe could ever invent. Bulky shapes of the truck became slimmer but kept their tank-like strength. Bella's arms and legs merged with the wheels and her eyes with the reflectors. And the exhaust pipe... well, no need to say anything.

After fifteen minutes, the joint sentience of Bella and the truck decided to move somewhere more hidden. They exerted some power and rolled away a few times, until they were concealed between the trees. The change continued.

Bella expected it to last for at least three days but in one more hour, it was all over. She stood up and brushed some leaves from her... legs? She was a four meters high robot. A very futuristic robot since she sensed a lot of edge-cutting technologies around her torso. She made a thought and a high-tech looking disruptor gun went out of her arm. That startled her a little but then she made it retract again with another mental command.

She wanted to talk to the truck but realized that the separate mind of the truck was gone. Instead, it was part of her own mind and her mind itself was part of the truck in turn. They were merged to a level when it was was impossible to distinguish them. Of course, Bella's personality was dominant since the truck was an inanimate object. But the new being inherited a lot of traits from the truck as well - it's technical aptitude for example.

Bella, or BellaTruck to be more precise (or simply Transformer!Bella), decided that it was time to move. She concluded that it would be better to move in a less conspicuous form. A shimmer appeared all over her body and she started to shrink. The metal was retracted inside and and something that looked like flesh appeared. Of course, it was still the same indestructible alloy that her whole body was made of.

BellaTruck walked back to the road and thought about her next course of action. She was angry at all the people that betrayed her but she knew that she had to think it through. She needed time to prepare, explore her abilities and plan her revenge. She heard a howl and her sensors revealed that the pack was coming to investigate. She concentrated again and transformed into an inconspicuous car. As she drove away from La Push and Forks, the wolves ran past her but their noses detected no suspicious smell.

When Bella got far enough, another thought struck her. She stopped and looked upward where stars shone. She transformed again, ignited the thrusters that appeared and rose to the sky.

* * *

Theme (pick a tune of your choosing):

_Transformer Bella, Transformer Bella,  
Transformer Bella is awesome, awesome!  
Transformer Bella, she's got four wheels,  
Transformer Bella, she...  
Yeah, stupid song. Never mind. _


	2. Revenge

Revenge

**Two years later:**

Bella silently hovered on a geostationary orbit above the town of Forks. To be more precise, if she was humming something for example, we wouldn't know about it since there was vacuum around. However, she could hear everything that was being said bellow her because she had a very accurate laser microphone which was able to measure even the slightest vibrations of objects on the surface and translate them into sound. That such accuracy is impossible with the current technology? Well, it wasn't for Transformer Bella!

The reason of her doing was quite simple - she was spying on her enemies who convened in Forks for the annual _"We screwed Bella over!"_ festival. Yes, that's right - they had made a festival for that. With anger, Bella watched as all the people who had ever hurt her chatted with each other and made fun of the virtues she once had possessed - her kindness, selfishness, diligence and innocence. And all means truly all! Humans mingled with monsters, vampires with werewolves, the Volturi with the Cullens.

Renée was telling a story about Bella, "They fired me and I couldn't find a new job right away. So Bella went and got one for herself, while lying about her age. Of course, she kept cleaning the house, doing laundry and cooking, because she believed I was too busy searching for a new employment! I was able to stay at home for several months doing nothing at all!"

Aro and several others who stood around laughed heartily and then the leader of the Volturi said, "Oh my dear Renée, that was truly cunning from you." He kissed her hand while he said that.

A few meters away, Jacob and Demetri depicted in great detail Bella's suffering during the destruction of her truck. Victoria was latched on Demetri's arm and seductively crooned in his ear how bad he was. Mike was standing next to them, grinning widely. He was hoping that his accomplices wouldn't embarrass him by the telling everybody about his accident.

Bella refocussed her oculars and found her main target after a while - Edward. He was sitting a little away from the others, in a shade of a tree. Tanya was crouched next to him, trying to seduce him.

"Come on Edward, you should forget about her and indulge yourself in all the delights that life can offer," she told him, while caressing his shoulder.

"Please forgive me, but I can't. Bella is the love of my life. No! She is my life!" refused Edward ecclesiastically.

"Oh come on. She's probably dead anyway."

"Then I'll go to Italy! If she's dead, then it's my fault because I've left her all unprotected!"

"You don't need to go to Italy, the Volturi are right here. But if you destroy yourself, you won't be able to wallow!"

"True, true. I shall stay in this purgatory for a little longer then!"

Charlie, Billy and Harry tended to a grill and drank beer.

Billy toasted, "See Charlie? Aren't you glad that you've chosen your friends over your own daughter?"

Charlie laughed and replied, "Do you even need to ask? That little trollop was nothing but trouble anyway! She thought that she could come here, let me get used to her cooking and then leave for a collage? Bah! Fortunately, I'm a smart guy capable of some proactive action!"

The rest of the people there were entertaining themselves in similar ways. All of them agreed that life was much better when they could mock Bella's memory. And Alice? She was happy beyond happy because it was her who got to organize those festivals. In the meantime, Bella was seething in anger. They were all going to pay.

When the night came, the Volturi excused themselves since night was a good time for them to travel. The others lingered for a moment, before going home. Bella was pleased to find that her mother and Phil were going to stay in Forks for a few days and enjoy some hiking. Her old schoolmates were staying for a while as well before returning to their collages. So, her first target was obvious. Bella corrected her course and started to descend to a lower orbit.

* * *

Aro, Caius and a portion of their guard were returning in their jet to Volterra. Marcus had been left in the castle with the rest of the coven so he would be able to brood in solitude. Then the pilot announced that they were about to land in Volterra and changed course. That the nearest airport from Volterra is 48 kilometres away? Pshaw, the Volturi have their own secret airport that nobody knows about!

Suddenly, a blinding flash covered everything and Volterra disappeared from the map of the world. Marcus didn't even have any time to sigh in relief from the fact that he wasn't about to become like Edward. The jet was hit with the EM and pressure wave and started to plummet to the ground. The oxygen masks popped out. Aro angrily ripped the one in front of him away. Caius, on the other hand, pulled his one over his face and started to breath deeply. Aro slapped him across his face and bellowed at him that they needed to jump out.

The vampires tore through the walls of the plane to escape the flames which erupted from it as soon as it crashed. Some of the vampires stuck in soil when they fell, others were slightly mangled from the impact. They started to pick ourselves up when there were two explosions and two of the guards were blown up a by rockets that somebody shot at them. Then there was a heavy thud, swish of a blade and another vampire was destroyed, sliced from his groin to his head. The remaining vampires looked in awe at the metallic monstrosity that stood in their midst.

"What are you?!" cried Aro in disbelief.

Transformer Bella answered with shooting some of kind of jelly at him, that temporarily hindered his movement. The remaining guards attacked her but were unable to get too close enough because two machine guns came out of her arms. Hundreds of AP slugs started to hammer down the vampires who quickly started to fall apart. Victoria didn't even attempt to run and realized, to her horrification, that her gift was silent.

"You bitch! I am the Jane of the Volturi! I am unbeatable!" shrieked Jane before a slug went through her brain.

Bella retracted the machine guns and grabbed Caius. Her helmet folded and revealed Bella's face.

"How dare you?! I am your master! This is our planet!" he yelled but Bella paid him no heed and decapitated him with a chainsaw.

Demetri jumped on Bella's back but was struck by an electric shock. Bella turned on him and slowly torn him apart, taking a revenge for what he did to the truck. When Bella was done, she turned to Aro who managed to shake off the jelly in the meantime. He wanted to run but before he could do that, Bella struck him down with her arm.

"Any last words?" she asked him as he was standing up.

Aro attempted to come up with something original, he honestly tried. However, he ended up repeating what Caius already said.

Bella punched him in his face and snarled, "That's for being cliché."

"How dare you to punch me! Do you know who I am?" threatened Aro.

"Yes, you are the last of the Volturi. Now, let's end it - I have a bigger fish to fry!"

Bella lifted him in the air with a gravity-gun in her right hand and slowly burned him to ashes with a flame-thrower in her left hand.

* * *

Renée and Phil were hiking through woods around Forks. There was a nice wooden pavement and the crossroads were nicely labelled so they were in no danger of getting lost.

"This is strange," said Phil suddenly.

Renée looked over his shoulder - there was a dead end in front of them.

"Maybe it's unfinished?" proposed Renée.

"Huh. They could have put a warning on the last crossroad. Let's go back."

They did as he said. To their dismay, they arrived to another dead end in a few minutes.

"What a hell?" exclaimed Phil.

"Maybe we took a wrong turn?" said Renée.

Phil looked at her and fantastically sneered back at her, "A wrong turn? There were no turns! This is the way we came here!"

They rowed for a while and then Phil took out a compass and a map. The arrow of the compass was turning in circles. Suddenly, they heard some kind of strange sound behind them.

"Who's there?!" shouted Phil.

They didn't see anybody but they decided to try to get back to the Forks. They got lost quite soon and the sun started to set a few hours later. That was the time when the strange sounds returned. Renée didn't wait for anything and started to run, Phil was right behind her.

Suddenly, a loop closed around Renée's ankle and she was turned upside down, hanging from a branch. Phil looked whether it was possible to free her quickly and when he saw that it wasn't he turned to ran away. He rammed in somebody and fell to the ground.

"Bella?" he croaked in shock.

She was standing there, in front of him, looking down at him like a nemesis. Something was different about her though. She was taller and more muscular and when Phil rammed into her, it felt like she was made of iron.

"In a flesh," she replied.

"No, Bella is dead!" shrieked Renée.

"You wish," sneered Bella.

"What do you want?" snarled Phil.

"Revenge," answered Bella.

Phil didn't wait for anything and charged at her. Bella didn't move and waited for him to strike. He punched her with all his strength and there was a sound of breaking bones. Bella watched as he twirled in great pain on the ground and some kind of a sting grew from her finger. Phil shrieked, there was a wet sound and Phil was dead. Bella turned to her mother.

"Bella! Stop this at once! I am your elder and you have to respect me!" threatened Renée.

Bella silenced her with a slap that almost broke Renée's jaw. Then she brought the sting near Renée's eye and said, "Respect you? Respect you?! You deserve no respect you bitch! I took care of you since I was five years old! I've put up with you weirdness, you instability, your boyfriends and countless other things! And how did you repay me, huh? Now you are going to pay for betraying me!"

Bella pulled her arm back and them stuck the sting in her mother's heart. Blood started to spurt everywhere around.

* * *

Bella's old schoolmates were getting ready to leave. However, on their last day in Forks, they had a small gathering at the school. Even their old teachers were present. They assembled in the mess hall and discussed the nuclear explosion in Italy.

Suddenly, a voice bellowed from the door, "I've got a better topic for you: School violence!"

There was a figure clad in a futuristic armour standing there. It had an SMG in its hands. The teachers and the alumni stared at her for a while and then Bella opened fire on them. The people in the hall attempted to run but found out that all the other exits were locked.

The hall filled with gunfire, screams, blood and dead bodies. As the number of survivors began to dwindle, Bella started to be more cruel in her killing. The deaths of Jessica and Lauren turned especially messy and painful. In the end, only Mike remained.

"Prepare to day you little jerk!" said Bella and lowered her visor.

"Please, no! Don't hurt me! I'm too young to die!" wailed Mike and pissed himself.

Bella responded with a bullet in his leg. Mike tried to crawl away but a few more bullets convinced him about the futility of his doing. Finally, when she heard enough of his pleas for mercy, Bella ended his life.

* * *

The Cullens, the Denali, the wolves and Charlie met on a clearing at the border of the reservation. They recognized that the situation was dire and that they had to work together.

Jasper opened the meeting, "I think it's obvious. First the Volturi and now our former schoolmates and Phil and Renée. It's Bella's doing."

"But Bella is dead," reminded him Charlie.

"Plus, I would see it," added Alice.

"Well, it seems that she somehow survived, became ridiculously powerful and returned to seek vengeance. The fact that she single-handedly defeated the mightiest coven ever indicates that we should be worried."

They started to devise defence plans and since everybody had his or her own idea, the meeting turned into an argument soon. Some proposed that they should hand Jacob over to Bella, since he was the last one of the three who destroyed her truck. However, he argued that Edward had hurt her just as much by leaving her and that Bella had killed her mother, who wasn't responsible for what happened to her truck at all. Edward told his family that it wasn't just him who had abandoned Bella and that the rest of them were just as guilty.

In the end, they decided to make the final stand in La Push. The wolves didn't want to leave their homes unprotected and were even willing to let the Cullens come to their territory. The Denali considered leaving but Tanya's pride was for some reason hurt by Bella's actions and talked them into staying.

The next day, they were all in their places. They positioned themselves on the cliffs above the village, hoping to gain a high ground. Several wolves and vampires were patrolling the near area while staying in visual contact with the main force. Even Charlie, Harry and others were prepared to fight - they stood behind the front lines, armed with hunting rifles. They didn't know what they were up against but assumed that Bella had become a vampire or another mythical creature.

The Quileutes who weren't going to fight were hiding in their homes. Those who could, were carefully looking from the windows, waiting for the fight to start. Suddenly, a boy who was observing the ocean saw something strange coming towards the beach.

"Look mum! There is a shark or a whale," said the boy.

"Hush, it's about to start soon!" silenced him his mother.

How right she was, the shape was some kind of futuristic mini-submarine! It targeted the cliff on which the defenders were assembled and fired four torpedoes. They burrowed themselves in the rock and exploded. The whole cliff started to slide, along with the vampires and wolves on it.

Charlie and Harry were in an area that wasn't affected too much but the shock caused Harry to get a heart-attack. Charlie called a nearby wolf to help him to carry Harry to Billy's, where his cruiser was parked.

In the meantime, Irina, Laurent, Eleazar and Carmen dived in the water and started to pursue the submarine. They weren't sure whether Bella was in the submarine or if it was just a diversion. They started to gain on the bulky submarine but it opened some hatches on its tail and a strange viscous liquid started to pour out. The substance quickly reacted with the seawater. The pursuing vampires, suspecting nothing, swam straight in it. Immediately, they felt immerse pain as their skin started to dissolve in the highly aggressive acid. Edward saw through their mind what happened. The submarine surfaced and transformed into a hovercraft which accelerated to a speed that none of them could possibly achieve.

Panic ensued and everybody started to shout at each other. By the time they managed to regroup, the ship disappeared behind another cliff, where it transformed in a car once it got on a dry land. The car then sped to intercept Charlie, who was driving his friend to the hospital. It caught up with them soon and rammed the cruiser from behind. Charlie barely managed to get out of the slide when the attacking car crashed into him from a side. Harry's heart decided that it was too much and gave its last beat.

The car transformed into robotic Bella on wheels who slammed her arm on the front of the cruiser which did a flip and landed on its roof. Charlie, all bloodied, bruised and scraped, started to crawl from a window. Bella grabbed him by his neck and lifted him so they were face to face. It took a while but he recognized her.

"You are so in trouble young lady! You are grounded for the rest of your life!" he yelled.

"Oh no, it's you who is about to be grounded. I mean ground," replied Bella with a dark chuckle.

She pressed him to the road with one arm and transformed the second in a wheel. With Charlie's face firmly locked between the rubber and the asphalt, Bella "stepped on the gas". Charlie's shrieks could have been heard miles away. After a while, there was nothing left from his head other than pieces of skull and brain.

Alice saw that Charlie and Harry disappeared and told the others. They assumed that it was Bella and set out to Charlie's last known position, leaving only a few young wolves behind. On their way, they completely failed to notice an inconspicuous Cessna flying above them.

Billy, Sue, two pups (who were left on guard) and several others were waiting for a phone-call from Charlie. Now, a smart thing would be for at least one of those young wolves to stay in his animal form. However, both wolves were at the time human and enjoying tea and a semolina cake that Sue served. Why? Maybe she thought it would help to diffuse the heavy atmosphere, who the hell knows?

Suddenly, there was a crash and armour-clad Bella fell through the roof. She gracefully landed on her feet and immediately threw some kind of a dart on each wolf. There was some kind of liquid in those darts and both shape-shifters started to writhe in pain.

"What are you doing to them?!" shrieked one of the tribe elders in the room.

Bella grinned and replied, "Just a bit of vampire venom I've collected in Italy. Don't worry, they'll be dead soon."

One of the people in the room charged at Bella but she easily snapped his neck. Sue moved to help the boys but Bella grabbed a knife and threw it, sending Sue to the happy hunting grounds. There was a brief struggle and few seconds later, only Bella and Billy remained.

Billy was franticly trying to get away on his wheelchair. Bella walked to him and easily lifted the chair in the air. Billy was so focussed on his effort that he didn't even notice what happened and propelled the wheels with all his strength. Although, he noticed that the wheels turned more easily and grinned as he imagined that he was getting away from Bella. That was the moment when Bella decided to clear her throat to let Billy know that she was right behind him. Billy gave out a yelp and fell from his chair.

"How dare you to come here and enact a revenge on us?! What have we done to you?!" he cried.

"You mean apart from the fact that you are a complete ass-hole and that you fathered that son of a bitch Jacob? Apart from the fact that your condescending attitude irks me to no end? No, wait a minute, maybe I simply don't like people on wheelchairs."

Bella tore out one of the wires from a wheel and stuck it in Billy's leg. Nothing happened. Bella furrowed her eyebrows but then understood and took another wire. This time, she stuck it in Billy's arm and he let out a blood curling scream. Then another and another, until Billy was just a heap of bloody, shivering meat. Suddenly, the door from the toilet burst open and Rachel, who was hidden there for the whole time, came out.

"Oh, look who has decided to join the party!" rejoiced Bella.

She caught Rachel by her neck and started to transform into her main robotic configuration. She put her foot on Billy head and squished his skull like a nut. Then she tore through a wall and walked to intercept the returning main force.

Vampires and wolves were returning from Charlie's crash site when Carlisle received a phone call from one of the Quileutes. "La Push is under attack!" he shouted and everybody started to run back at maximum speed. Wolves got there first, even when Carlisle urged them to wait for the others. They were welcomed by an enormous robotic Bella who still held Rachel in her hand.

Paul growled and Bella reacted by tearing Rachel in two pieces. That was all it took to make Paul and the rest of the pack to charge forward without any plan. Bella just transformed her arms into two heavy guns and opened fire. The blazing projectiles cut into the fur of the charging wolves like hot wires in butter.

Suddenly, Emily appeared on the scene, clutching a kitchen knife in her hand. With a loud yell, she plunged the blade in her own heart. Bella thought, "WTF?" and continued to slaughter the wolves. In the end, only Jacob remained.

"It seems you are the alpha now!" sneered Bella at him.

Jacob lifted her eyes to her and it was like he saw her for the first time. Her change into transformer somehow shifted his perception of her and the center of his universe shifted to her. He changed back to human.

"It's you Bella! You are my imprint!" he rejoiced.

Bella answered him with a bullet in his guts.

"Arrgh! Aren't you listening? You are my imprint, I'm on your side now!" cried Jacob.

Bella was about to finish him when she got a great idea. She told Jacob to transform in his animal form and threw him a big package.

"Take this to the Cullens," she ordered him.

Jacob took the package in his teeth and turned back. The vampires arrived in that moment and Jacob rushed to meet them.

"What is the mutt doing?" asked Rosalie.

Jacob reached them and that's when Bella sent a signal. The package was a bomb and it went off right it Jacob's mouth. The blast incinerated him and hit everyone on the vicinity as well. In the meantime, Bella prepared a disruptor and modulated it in such a way that made it difficult for vampire skin to reflect bolts from it. The vampires were still distracted from the explosion when a green bolt took Tanya's head off.

The final fight started. The Cullens attacked Bella while Kate moved to flank the metal monster. When she was in a good position, she jumped on her and attempted to shock her with her gift. However, it wasn't a real electricity and even if it was, Bella was well insulated. Kate was a bit confused for a moment and then Bella gave her a taste of her own medicine by using her defensive system, just like she did in Italy with Demetri. Kate died a short while after she fell on the ground.

Then it was just Bella and the Cullens, some of whose were already injured. The Cullens ceased their attack for a moment and took cover to catch their breaths and form a new tactic. Edward chose that moment to step forward and talk to Bella.

He began the speech he had practised, "Bella, I lied. I had to lie but for you to believe me so easily..."

"I don't have time for this," snapped Bella and took his head of.

"Hey! How does it come that you've given him such a quick death?!" complained Emmett.

The battle continued but Bella was extra careful not to destroy anybody - at least not completely. Esme was easy to disable since she was no fighter. Alice was next because she was confused by the lack of her vision. Emmett tried to use his strength but that just enabled Bella to hit him easier with her disruptor. Jasper rallied Carlisle and Rose to cover his flanks. Jasper was a tougher enemy than the others because of his experiences and he adapted to the new Bella faster than the others.

"You grew powerful, Bella. Unfortunately for you, not powerful enough to defeat a soldier of the Confederation!" he taunted her.

"Shut up, sucker," uttered Bella and threw some kind of grenade in the air. The Cullens took cover, expecting an explosion. However, the grenade contained blood which was sprayed over the whole area when it exploded. Jasper smelled it all around him and started to loose his focus.

"Jasper, no! Remember who you are!" urged him Carlisle.

That was the last straw for Jasper and he completely lost it and started to attack anybody around. The fight was over quite quickly afterwards. Bella collected all six Cullens and made sure there were no other survivors. As she was leaving with her captives, she activated the incendiary charges she left behind and set La Push on fire.

They arrived to the Cullen mansion and Bella placed the captured vampires in the living room. Their legs and arms were already severed by that point. She pulled an electrical chord from her hip and plugged herself in. All the lights and any other electric appliances went out.

"You don't mind, do you?" asked Bella innocently, once again in her completely human form.

Esme shrieked in response, "Of course we mind! We took you in our family and how do you repay us?! By stealing the electricity we have to pay!"

Bella chuckled and replied, "And as if it wasn't enough, I'm about to kill you all!"

The Cullens started to shout some bullshits at her, attempting to play at Bella's guilt. When they realized there wasn't any, they started to blame each other. In the end, they just begged for mercy.

Bella interrupted their pleading, "Now, now! Let me just say a few words before I wipe you from the face of Earth. I want you to know that I've loved you all like my own family. You took me in, made me believe that you've loved me back. Can you even imagine how it felt when I've found out that it was all a lie? No, you can't. However, I think I know a way how to make you suffer at least half as much as I've suffered."

Bella moved to Emmett, poured some gasoline on him and set him on fire. As Emmett yelled in pain, Rosalie shrieked as she saw her mate becoming ashes. Then she stopped and said, "Never mind, I'll find somebody else."

"Oh, will you?" said Bella and poured some strong acid on Rosalie's face.

Bella moved to Jasper and Alice afterwards. She deliberated briefly and then burned Jasper. Alice was shattered by her actions and sobbed profoundly. Finally, Bella made Carlisle and Esme watch their two remaining "children" burn as well.

Afterwards, she thought aloud in front of the two remaining Cullens, "So, which one of you to burn first?"

Esme looked at Carlisle in dread, fearing that Bella would destroy the male first, like the two times before. Bella raised her finger and after a few moments, she pointed at Esme. Carlisle watched his wife burn and his world collapsed. All his ethical tenets, his decision to turn Edward and to be so soft at him - it meant nothing in the end. As he mulled over it all, he started to feel regret and realized that in spite of his alleged wisdom, he had made a lot of wrong choices and that the worst of them all was his decision to betray Bella.

Bella grinned and told him, "Yes, I see it in you eyes - you've realized that in the end, you've done this to yourself. And so, the great journey you've started three centuries ago ends here because of your own stupidity!"

And because Bella believed that ones enemies should be killed as quickly as possible, she skipped further taunting and started to pour gas all around, especially on the last Cullen. She walked to the door, threw one last glance on Carlisle and threw a match. She backed away as the flames crept closer to her.

Bella observed Carlisle burn through a window for a moment. Then she headed to the garage, which was yet untouched by the fire. She walked around the cars for a moment and finally picked the Vanquish. She thought that it would be nice to keep human appearance for a while and drive a normal car.

Several minutes later, Bella was on a hill from which she could observe Forks. She sent a signal mentally and the town started to explode. She grinned and drove away.

* * *

Bella drove through the Canadian wilderness (though she kept to good roads). It was a day since she had completed her revenge. She found herself thinking about how it would end if she had not became a transformer. What if she had died? Would the Cullens receive the punishment they deserved? Many "what ifs" started to float through her mind.

When the night came, Bella stopped. She couldn't tire but she wanted to relax and think about things. She parked the car and went to the trunk from which she took a canister. She drank some of the gasoline from it and poured the rest in the tank.

She got back in the car and tried to tune something on the radio. As she was doing so, she got a great idea. She didn't have to wonder about those "what ifs", she could look! And in doing so, she could answer an important question: was there some kind of cosmological justice that kept the universe in balance? Had she succeeded in her quest because she was good, or because it was fated?

Bella started to work immediately. She was able to do some things inside her own body but some parts needed to be constructed outside of it. When morning came, there was a peculiar construction finished. There were solar panels and a big antenna on the roof of the car. There were a few more contraptions in the car and a lot of wires. Bella had two cables connected to her - one leading to the mechanism she had built and the other leading to an inbuilt computer and TV of the car.

She started to tune the "quantum receiver" of her invention and watched for any incoming signals. Suddenly, the image in the screen started to clear out and a tale from another dimension started to play on it...


	3. Dhampir

Dhampir

**AN:** _What Transformer!Bella managed to tune in in the last chapter is yet another popular cliché I've noticed. I'm talking about "Edward knocks Bella up and leaves her". Don't you sometimes think that plots based on this are sometimes a wee bit inconsistent? Canon Edward would never become intimate with Bella before they would get married and he would never leave her in such a case.  
OK, somebody could say, "That's OOC and AU." However, when you are making somebody OOC, you need to do it thoroughly (and the same applies for AU). You can't just start your story with an OOC action and then keep the character canon for the rest of the fic (and spare yourself a lot of work in the process). In other words, Edward would be able to knock Bella up and leave only if he was a selfish jerk. And if he was a selfish jerk, then why leave Bella at all? So, he would need to be a really bad and sinister jerk who would dump Bella as soon as he got bored of her. And if that was the case, would Bella ever want anything to do with him? And what about the rest of his family? Wouldn't they see through him?  
As you can see, it's not as simple as one might think. The following chapter is my opinion about such plots. Again, this is a crackfic. _

It was a nice morning and the Cullens were assembled at their house in woods in New Hampshire. Eight years had passed since they left Bella and since Edward left them. Eight years in which they had gotten over their sorrow and regret about what had happened in Washington. It was difficult but they managed to reassemble their family (minus Edward) and regain some semblance of normalcy. And once again, it was time for them to move and so the six Cullens assembled around the dining table to decide where to go. Edward was also mentioned and it was proposed to find him and make him rejoin them.

Carlisle asked Alice, "Do you have any idea where he is?"

Alice shook her head and answered, "I had trouble seeing him for last few years and I haven't received a single vision of him for last week."

Esme looked troubled. "I hope he is all right," she said.

"He is Edward, he can be hardly all right," hissed Rosalie.

There was almost an argument but Jasper and Carlisle managed to calm everybody down.

Suddenly, Alice gasped in shock and told everybody, "Our future! It just disappeared!"

Emmett asked, "Maybe it's Eddie. He is coming and his arrival is bound to disrupt any our plans. And since he himself doesn't know what he wants, there's no telling what our decisions are going to be."

"Wow, that was remarkably insightful..." started Jasper but then he heard a sound of a motor.

The other Cullens heard it as well soon and they all assembled by the windows. Esme wanted to go outside when Emmett stopped her.

"Wait, why is he returning in a Jeep?" he said, because he recognized the type of the motor.

Their confusion grew when they heard three helicopters, closing on their house. A military Jeep came into their sight and they heard two more vehicles arriving from both sides. Their phone rang. The Cullens looked at each other and Carlisle picked it up.

"Hello?" he asked.

"Don't panic, we just want to talk," said a male voice.

"Who are you?"

The voice chuckled and replied, "Your grandson."

The Cullens had no time to discuss the strange answer. Doors of the approaching Jeep opened and two soldiers jumped out of it and ran the rest of the way to the house. The Cullens couldn't fail to notice that they ran faster than any vampire - not as fast as Quileutes though. The soldiers reached the house in a few seconds. The Cullens recognized that one of them was a dark skinned woman.

It was the man next to her who brought a great shock to them, for he was very similar to Edward. The Cullens realized shortly afterwards that he also resembled Bella. His eyes were exactly same as hers. A feature or two from Charlie and Elizabeth were also recognizable. Both of them had rifles of unknown design on their backs. They stopped in front of the house and the man waved at the Cullens. The woman grinned and headed towards the nearest window but the man stopped her.

"No honey, let's try the door like civilized people first," he told her.

The two strange soldiers walked over to the door and rang. He had to ring again because the Cullens were too stumped to open at first. In the meantime, the Jeep and the helicopters got close and the other vehicles weren't too far. The Cullens briefly argued whether they should run, fight or talk. Their curiosity about the man in front of the door convinced them to choose the last option. Esme moved to open but Jasper stopped her and did it himself.

"Good morning! I'm so delighted to finally meet you! May I come in?" said jovially the uniformed man and shook Jasper's hand, before he could evade him.

Carlisle cleared his throat constrainedly and replied, "Uhm, of course. Come in."

The couple stepped in and started to exchange pleasantries with the Cullen family, as if they were on a friendly visit. The Cullens noticed their abnormal heartbeat rates and temperatures.

Carlisle asked, "Excuse me, but who are you?"

The man stopped in his track in confusion and replied, "I've told you already and I thought that you've recognized me - I am your grandson, Carlisle. If you are asking about my name though, it's David, David Swan. Mum named me after the king David. And this is Neilen, my lovely wife."

As David affectionately kissed Neilen's hand, more people arrived. The Jeep parked in front of the house, two of the helicopters started to hover above the house and the third began to deploy soldiers in the woods. A bus with other soldiers and a lightly armoured vehicle with various weaponry on it arrived as well. The Cullens started to grow edgy.

David noticed their discomfort and told them, "Don't mind them, they are here as a protection for general Raymond, who would like to have a few words with you. It's just a formality, no reason to worry at all. There are protocols which we need to follow."

They've heard another familiar voice from the Jeep, "Give us a while general." Then another soldier came to the house. The newcomer brought them a shock just as big as David had - it was Angela. However, she was no longer human. She joined David and Neilen and greeted the Cullens in a velvety voice. The Cullens noticed that although she was a vampire, her eyes remained same. A few more of her features were slightly human as well.

The Cullens were too shocked to speak so Angela proposed, "Very well, let's sit down and talk about this."

"A splendid idea!" agreed David and took the chair at the head of the table. Neilen just leaned on his shoulder and remained standing. Angela sat on a couch on the opposite side of the table.

"Please, sit down my dear Cullens. We have so much to talk about!" said David.

Some vampires did so, the others were more hesitant and kept looking out of the windows. The bus parked next to the Jeep and soldiers in it started to position themselves. There was another strange vampire among them. An officer came to the Jeep and started to talk with the general through the window. The armoured vehicle arrived as well and two soldiers, who looked like a brother and a sister of Neilen, got out. The crew inside started to prepare to fire.

"I said, sit down. Have you no manners?" said David in a firm tone. He dropped the jovial one.

Emmett growled at his request and David said, "Come on, we are a family here. Although I guess that it doesn't mean much to you."

"What? What is that supposed to mean?" asked Esme, hurt by his words.

Angela answered her, "You'll understand soon enough. As soon as we explain what happened eight years ago." There was some kind of dark anticipation in her as she was saying that.

David leaned back in his chair and said, "As you have already guessed, I'm a son of Bella and Edward." He eyed the rest of the Cullens as they were sitting down.

"That's impossible!" opposed Carlisle.

Angela barked at him, "Only in your imaginary world, where your golden boy was a complete saint! Well I've got a newsflash for you: that bastard gave Bella a belly and then left her to die!"

Carlisle stuttered, "I... He... What I've meant is that humans and vampires can't procreate."

David chuckled darkly and hissed, "As you can see, they can. Now, what I want to know is why you've left my mother? You truly didn't know that they were... intimate?"

David intently stared at the Cullens and then continued, "Well, I see that you and most of your family didn't."

Then he turned to Jasper and Alice and menacingly said, "You two however, you knew. You knew and yet you have left!"

Alice looked crestfallen and started to make excuses but Jasper asked, "How do you know that? Can you read our minds?"

David answered, "Well, it seems that I've inherited the gifts of my parents."

Esme asked, "David, what happened?"

He just nodded in Angela's direction who started to narrate, "After you've left, Bella was completely destroyed. She believed that you loved her and then found out it was all lies..."

Esme interrupted her, "No! That's not true..."

Angela slammed her fist on a small table beside the couch and it crumbled. Then she shouted at Esme, "Don't interrupt me! Not even one word. You say it isn't true? Well it surely is how Bella remembered it! Now, where was I? Quite soon, Bella realized that she was pregnant. It was different though..."

Angela described the pregnancy and Bella's struggles with it. David was clenching his fist as he was listening, Neilen was clutching his shoulder.

"...She couldn't go to hospital, they would send her to a laboratory to dissect her and the baby. She couldn't tell her dad, he would send her to a mental institution. She couldn't even tell the Quileutes, they would burn her to ashes just to be safe. However, since I already knew about her condition, she finally confided to me. I saw the rapid growth myself so I've believed her. We took all the money we had and ran away. Then we made it our priority to contact you, Dr. Cullen."

Carlisle became uncomfortable when he heard that.

Angela continued, "We were lucky and managed to find the hospital where you were working. And what did you do when we called you?"

Carlisle remained silent so David finish instead of him, "You've told Bella that she should forget about you and you hang up before she could even say that she was dying!"

"And then you disappeared and we couldn't find you again. You could have saved her!" finished Angela.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," said Carlisle in a pleading tone. He was evidently upset. It wasn't enough for David though, who watched him in contempt.

"Dying? Save her?" asked Esme in a shaky vice, though she already knew the answer.

"She is dead. You killed her!" answered David through gritted teeth, gazing in Esme's eyes.

Angela then proceeded to describe David's bloody birth and Bella's death. David caught a brief thought in Alice's mind and interrupted Angela's story, "No, it wasn't my fault and I don't blame myself, I blame only you. She could have survived, if she had a proper medical care. I could have saved her but I was disoriented in first minutes of my life even though my mother transferred all she knew to me while she carried me."

The Cullens blinked a few times in surprise when they heard that.

"Also, there wasn't enough venom in my mouth yet. She bled to death right in front of my eyes and I couldn't do anything about it. I tried anyway and bit her a few times but it didn't work."

David fell silent again and Angela continued the story, "When I saw him biting her, I've ran away in fear. However, my promise to Bella pulled me back and I've seen that he didn't suck her dry. In fact, his grief affected him more intensely then his thirst for all the blood around. So, I've decided to give him something to eat. At the time, he was unable to digest anything but blood but I had some. Bella anticipated it and told me to buy some in a butchery."

David sighed and said, "And that's when my instinct to create a protector for myself kicked in again and I bit her after she fed me."

Angela continued, "I believe that I don't have to tell you about the pain involved. However, I'm sure it was somewhat lesser than in your case. On the other hand, it was also longer. The change was especially slow in the beginning. David bit me again though, when he pooled some venom again. It sped things up. Several days later, I woke up with David in my arms and raised him as my own in following years."

Jasper asked, "But what about the newborn stage? What about your thirst? How did you stop yourself from draining David?"

Angela laughed heartily and replied, "There wasn't any! All the stories and analogies that you used to tell Bella, it didn't apply to me. Either it's because I'm different from you or it's simply a matter of attitude."

General Raymond at that point decided to get out of the car and headed towards the house.

Carlisle asked, "What happened afterwards?"

David leaned back and replied, "Well, we travelled for a few years while I rapidly grew. I won't bore you with details about how we found others of my kind, helped them destroy their father Joham and how we started to work for the military and made a loose alliance with the Quileutes. Speaking of the military, let's not keep general Raymond waiting."

General Raymond entered the room when he heard that. He carried a small bag which he handed to David.

"Good morning, it's a pleasure to finally meet you!" said the general and shook Carlisle's hand. He didn't shake the hands of the others though and put some distance between himself and the Cullens, making sure that Angela was between him and then.

Carlisle replied to his greeting, "I would like to claim the same but I'm wondering why have your men surrounded our home."

Emmett sneered, "As if it would mean anything."

Raymond scratched his head and replied, "I really wanted to talk to you and since you have quite a flighty history..."

The Cullens growled at that. Raymond glared at them and then said, "So, let's get down to business."

"And that is?" asked Carlisle, not liking where it was going at all.

Angela clasped her hands and explained, "Well, there are two big problems, you see. First, there's all sorts of creepy vampire nomads running around, attacking people left and right. Second, these vampires have their own government which seems intent on building an unstoppable army of gifted vampires. For what purpose? There can be only one - a total domination of all Earth! Now, anybody with two braincells to rub together would consider this a serious threat to the national security. So, this program was created to deal with those two threats."

Carlisle interrupted her, "Wait a minute, Volturi are important. If it wasn't for them, vampires would overrun the humanity. They are actually protecting you from a certain doom!"

Angela barked at him, "No, they aren't you dimwit! In the past two millennia, they were using their position to gain gifted guards through false trials." She proceeded to explain how the things were with the Volturi and what was their strategy. In the end, she said that the Cullens themselves would become a target soon.

A brief argument followed, at the end if which Carlisle said, "And what exactly do you propose to do? Even if you could beat the Volturi, all the hell would break loose if they were destroyed!"

The general answered, "Well, we've got plans for both. Several alternative plans in fact. Which are we going to use, that depends on you. Of course, the ones that don't involve you are much more drastic."

Jasper grimaced and asked, "Is that supposed to give us an incentive to join you?"

David uttered, "No, your sense for ethics is what should give you that incentive. That is, if you have any."

Rosalie had enough and snapped, "How dare you to make such insinuations?! You have no right to judge us and we certainly aren't joining your foolhardy adventure!"

That angered David in turn and he jumped up from his chair and shouted, "No, how you dare! You should be grovelling on the ground, begging for a chance to redeem yourself! But as I see, not even all of you feel some guilt for your crimes against my mother and most of you don't feel guilty enough!"

Rosalie and some of the other Cullens were about to respond to his accusations when Neilen spoke, "Don't! If you value your lives, don't say a word. Our mothers are a sensitive topic for our kind and we worship them like deities. You should see our home - there's a whole room which David have turned into Bella's shrine. I would consider it creepy if I didn't feel the same way about my own mother and if wasn't using the very same room to remember my mother as well."

Raymond cleared his throat and said, "Excuse me, let's not get sidetracked. Dr. Cullen, from what we gathered from Bella's memory, you are sort of friends with the Volturi. Plus, you are a doctor of great intellect and knowledge. It is my hope that you and your family would be willing to help us. If not, we'll have no choice but to use a nuclear weapon to destroy the Volturi and a very nasty virus to make people impossible to turn."

"What, are you out of your mind?" shrieked Carlisle.

"Well, feel free to join us and come up with something better."

"And what if we don't?" challenged Emmett.

"Well, you are friends with the world's most dangerous terrorist and a potential threat to the secrecy of this project."

The Cullens leaped to their feet and some of them growled. Carlisle sternly said, "I am a peaceful person but I won't tolerate any veiled threats to my family!"

David laughed and after he discreetly pushed a button on a small transmitter in his pocket, he said, "Well, let me unveil them. Unless we come to an agreement and unless you genuinely regret your sins, you will join my father!"

"What?!" snarled several Cullens at once.

At that moment, an officer came in the house and told the general, "Sir? You've got a call from Mr. President. Some giant eagles landed on the White House and started to negotiate terms of their tribe joining our program with him."

Raymond looked startled and asked, "Tribe? You mean flock."

"No sir. They are shape-shifters, of course."

"Oh, what a relief. It would be too Tolkienish if they weren't."

Raymond and the officer walked out of the house. It was too late when Jasper deciphered their feelings.

"They are probably planning to attack!" he said.

David grinned and said, "Not necessarily. But it would be nothing less than what you deserve."

"What have you done with Edward?! Why can't I see him?!" demanded Alice.

David reached in the bag Raymond had brought, took out an urn and tossed it to Carlisle. Then he said, "You really didn't believe that I would let the murderer of my mother escape my revenge?"

Carlisle hastily opened the urn and the Cullens immediately confirmed by the scent that it was indeed Edward's ash.

David continued, "It's like an undeniable urge to kill our fathers for our kind, similar to your singers, but supported by ethic, not hindered. I've caught up with him last week. You should have seen him - that coward wasn't even man enough to stand up to my accusations like a man. Instead, he crumbled into himself and started to sob about being a monster. Then he changed his mind and decided to blame me and attacked me. After he saw that he couldn't beat me since he couldn't read my mind while I could read his, he became apathetic again, hoping that I would pity him and spare him. But I couldn't allow him to spoil my revenge so I've threatened him that I would take my revenge on his family unless my fight with him was satisfactory enough. He obviously didn't care about you at all because his performance didn't improve. Nevertheless, general Raymond ordered me to give you a chance first. And as I see it, you've failed miserably."

Emmett laughed, "Ha! Do you think you can defeat us?"

David looked thoughtful for a moment and then replied, "Well, I have to admit, I will need Neilen or Angela to distract Jasper while I subdue the rest of you but yes, I can destroy you. You can also try to run but you won't get past the soldiers and there are several Quileutes in the woods as well."

Esme sobbed, "Why? Why are you doing this to us?"

"Because it was my mother's wish, because I despise hypocrites like you and because my father's death hasn't satisfied me enough. I think I should continue with my revenge. Maybe I should punish the doctor who was supposed to take care of my mother and didn't. Or maybe I'll make him to watch his wife burn first!"

And that effectively ended any conversation. Carlisle lost the last bits of his cool and attacked. He was no match for David though, who started to tear the Cullens apart. Neilen engaged Jasper in one-on-one duel so he wasn't able to help his family. Angela wasn't about to stand idly while her friends were having all the fun and attacked Emmett.

Rosalie saw her mate loosing his fight and decided that the best tactic would be to retreat. She dived out from a window and was immediately hit by several AP projectiles. She tried to get away but Nahuel descended on her and after a brief struggle ripped her head away. Then he let the humans finish the body and returned to his post.

In the meantime, David put most of the Cullens out of commission and swapped with his wife. While she was finishing the injured Cullens, David and Jasper circled around each other. It was in David's capabilities to defeat Jasper in a straight fight. However, he wanted to beat him through exploiting those sides of him that gave Edward an excuse to leave Bella. David brought his hand to his lips and made a shallow cut with his teeth, then he flung some of his blood in the air. Jasper smelled the sweet smell of the potent blood and lost his focus immediately. He charged at David like a newborn and was destroyed easily.

Then they assembled all the body parts and started a fire. Those Cullens that were still able to perceive their surroundings had to watch. Nahuel went to told the Quileutes that it was over. A short while after that, Jacob trotted out of the woods.

He exclaimed, "No! They are all dead and we didn't even have an opportunity to have any fun!"

David retorted, "Oh shut up, we aren't in a mood for your angst. And plus, there is still a lot of vampires to kill."

Jacob murmured something under his breath and ran away.

When they were back in the Jeep and leaving, general Raymond reprimanded David, "You got carried away. They could have been valuable allies."

David shook his head and replied, "That's the thing, sir - they would be of no use to us. They were unstable and unreliable. It doesn't matter anyway, we can create as much semi-vampires as we have volunteers. And then we shall dispose of those creepy creatures once and for all."

Raymond nodded and added, "Very well. So now we just need to find a way how to evacuate humans from Volterra before we drop a nuke on it."


	4. Dhampirs

Dhampirs

**AN:** _Previous chapter established that dhampirs are awesome. However, somebody might say that it was a pity that they and the Cullens weren't on the same side. So, let's look at how their awesomeness would affect the ending of "Breaking Dawn".  
Someone might say that this chapter is just a carbon copy of the previous one but hey, there is no "too much" when it comes to praising the awesomeness of dhampirs. Why else would they make two lame sequels to a certain reasonably good film about a certain vampire slayer? _

"Why don't you join us, Alice!" Edward called after a brief moment of surprise and confusion.

There was shock on both sides. Everybody watched as Alice, Jasper, Kachiri, Huilen, and Nahuel ran towards the defenders. The newcomers, with the exception of Kachiri, wore outfits made from sturdy black cloth. They also carried long bags on their backs. Jasper carried two in fact.

Soon, Huilen was giving Aro her prepared testimony despite Caius's indignation. Aro asked Nahuel some questions. Caius started to spew vitriol left and right but Aro was already determined to use this way out. He cast his vote and most people believed that it was all over. Jasper however, reacted by tossing one of the bags to Edward who caught it. Alice was whispering something in Jacob's ear.

"Not so fast," Nahuel's voice rang through the clearing.

Aro stopped in his tracks, as if he knew that it was meant for him (probably because Nahuel's eyes were piercing him at the moment). A horrible chill ran through most of the people on the Cullens' side of the clearing - they hoped that it was all over. Vladimir and Stefan looked at the dhampir with interest.

Nahuel continued, "I feel as if the issue remained unresolved, you guys are still uncertain about our kind."

To the surprise of everybody, Bella voiced her agreement, "Indeed. I think Marcus' exact words were 'we shall re-evaluate' and Caius said something about following the aberration south."

Nahuel raised his eyebrows and said, "Is that so? Well, no need to travel there - either to confront Joham, who is dead anyway, or my sisters."

"Dead?" asked Aro.

"Oh? Have I omitted that piece of information from my story? In fact, when I met him for the first time, there was only his torso and head left of him - courtesy of his daughters. They felt that all of his children should assemble and share the joy of turning him to ash!"

Caius found Nahuel's tone rather aggravating. The irony was, he had at the moment no idea that Nahuel was actually one of the least arrogant dhampirs on the planet

Nahuel continued, "However, don't let that get you a wrong impression about us - we aren't violent creatures by nature. Truly, Carlisle and Bella are bloodthirsty beasts compared to us! So, to convince you and to resolve this matter forever, I've taken the liberty to invite the others. I apologise on their behalf though - they must have gotten stuck at a gas stop in a line for toilets or something like that."

"They are almost here," informed him Edward.

"Splendid!" rejoiced Nahuel and opened his bag.

The others followed his example while everybody else stared at them in incomprehension as they pulled out various rifles. Most of those guns were long and massive, some of them were shorter and lighter.

"What is the meaning of this?" called Aro. There was slight uncomfort in his voice. Jasper could feel worry from him - obviously he was sincere when he talked about human technology.

"Enhance your calm," loudly replied a new voice, coming from the tree line behind the defenders. It was clearly yet another half-vampire, somewhat similar in appearance to Nahuel. It took her a split of second to cover the remaining distance and then she stood still next to him.

"And this is my sister Neilen. I believe the others aren't far," Nahuel introduced the newcomer. She wore the same uniform as her brother. However, that uniform was in her case complemented by an ammunition vest and other pieces of combat gear.

In the moment of distraction caused by the arrival of the dhampiress, almost nobody noticed Jasper taking a small bottle from his pocket and drinking its content. If anybody looked closely into his eyes, he would see that they gained a greenish hue. He channelled his entire spiritual strength into his ability and started to affect the entire Volturi coven. There was no apparent effect but Jasper's eyes were darkening quickly.

A faint sound of rotors reached the clearing but it seemed that the Volturi missed it. In fact, they looked somewhat absent. It was only then when the others noticed that something was amiss. The Volturi noticed it as well a few seconds later because the sound grew too loud to overhear even for them. Jasper sagged slightly, took another bottle (of animal blood this time) and drank from it deeply.

The Volturi realized that something was wrong but before they had time to ponder it, Nahuel shouted, "And here they are!"

Some of the Volturi turned around and saw some kind of a VTOL emerging from behind the green cover of trees behind them. While it was still above the Italians and just before is started to slow down, a person jumped out of it. He twisted in the air as he flew over the vampires in cloaks and landed backwards on his feet, facing the enemies. He landed well out of the boundary of Bella's shield but it didn't seem to inconvenience him. It was a very young man, dressed in fatigue trousers and olive green T-shirt. He dropped to a crouch to compensate the impact, lightly touching the ground with fingers of his left hand. He was gripping a katana in his right hand, which was quite strange in the context.

That his further movements were going to be stylised in a most cliché way was clear from his initial pose already. He remained in his crouch for a moment, keeping his upper body leaned forward unnecessarily much, his face turned down and his eyes closed. After a second, his head snapped up while he righted himself a little and opened his eyes. Then he changed his grip on the handle of the katana and fully stood up while performing some kind of a stupid flourish with the blade. Huilen groaned in embarrassment and Nahuel and his half-sister looked uneasy as well.

In the meantime, the VTOL came to a stop and more people jumped out of it. There were some more dhampirs, a few vampires and a few people in strange suits which looked as a lot of rubber bands woven together, almost resembling muscles. Sounds coming from them revealed that they had heartbeats and working lungs but a smell of vampires was coming from them. It was a strange smell though - it wasn't sweet like expected but rather chemical and repulsive even for vampires. They moved with a speed of a human. One of them walked past Jasper and he nodded at him. The VTOL started to slowly rise and drift sideways, until it stopped to hover at a side of the battlefield.

The young dhampir with katana stretched his neck and drawled, "Aro of the Volturi, we meet at last." He completely ignored what was happening behind his back.

The chalk-white vampire sneered back at him, "Another half-vampire, I presume." He turned his eyes towards the military force that arrived and wanted to point it out a breach of their law but was interrupted before he could continue.

"Oh, most certainly not - for there can't be anything half about me. I am a pure dhampir, fourth generation. Well, there are actually more humans than dhampirs in my pedigree but that doesn't matter much for our kind."

Caius opened his mouth and started to say something but his words were drowned by a thunderous arrival of a jet fighter. It roared above the two opposing sides and then turned to circle back. The vampires noticed its smallish design.

"And that would be my sister. Talented, isn't she?" remarked the dhampir.

While Mr. Full-of-himself was having his show, the wolves made their move. All the young ones turned back and ran towards La Push. Some of them were quite disappointed and that applied doubly to Paul and one other wolf, who were ordered to accompany them. Sam trotted towards Bella and came to a stop next to Jacob. Their packs moved to the sides. Sam's wolves took position on the left wing, Jacob's on the right. They were doing what Alice had whispered to Jacob to do but they were still somewhat confused about the purpose of their manoeuvres.

On its way home, Paul's group met a military Snow Trac and several scooters. A smaller snowcat trailed behind them. There were soldiers sitting in the open passenger space on the back of the Snow Trac. One of them turned in his seat and waved at the passing wolves. Paul growled and continued towards home.

The transporter parked behind the lines of the Cullens and their allies and the soldiers disembarked. Most of them were heavily armoured and a half of them carried flame-throwers. The Romanians narrowed their eyes when they saw them. Four of the snow-scooters joined the wolves - two for each pack. The soldiers on the vehicles were armed with light machine guns with incendiary ammo and incendiary grenades.

Two of the dhampirs moved to the sides as well. Unlike the men on scooters, they positioned themselves in front of the wolves. One of them raised his hand and started to twirl his index finger in the darkness conjured by Alec. The darkness swirled and started to gather above his hand. He had a medium sized flame torch strapped on his shoulder. The other took no special action and the only thing of note on him was the fact that he was completely unarmed.

Aro and Caius observed the newcomers with increasing rage. Their guard prepared for battle. Finally Caius snapped and bellowed, "This is travesty! You shall all die for this!"

The face of the young dhampir hardened and he responded in a firm voice, "Many vampires claimed that. All of them ended on the edge of my sword!"

He made another ridiculous flourish and then burst out laughing.

"Of course, the blade is completely useless here but I always wanted to say this line!" he explained between guffaws. "I have to admit though, it's a great decoration for my desk and it comes handy when somebody from outside comes to inquire about what we do. They are complete tools usually and ask me how do I go about destroying a vampire. So I point at the sword and tell them: Well, I whack them with this beauty and they just fall apart in a spectacular shower of golden sparks. You wouldn't believe how many people are willing to believe that."

Caius turned to the guard and the witnesses and cried out, "What more proof do we need? This abomination openly confesses to breaking our laws!"

The dhampir laughed and sneered at him, "If this irks you, then I would love to see your face when the cameras start rolling."

As he said that, a team of people got out of the snowcat. It was obvious that they were some kind of documentarists. The whole situation was also filmed from the VTOL. Also, two combat helicopters approached the clearing and more could be heard from the forest behind the witnesses which came with the Volturi.

Aro turned his piercing gaze at Jasper and Alice and accused, "You brought these people here. You betrayed our kind!"

Jasper replied lazily, "Well... they sort of came of their own accord after we told them what was happening. I don't deny that I'm with them though - they gave me a very good offer I couldn't refuse."

He made a pause and when nobody asked, he explained, "They offered to reinstate my status in the army!"

This statement surprised his family and was met with various levels of disapproval even among their allies.

He continued, "Hey, such things happened before! There were quite a few confederate soldiers, even high officers, who joined the union army both before and after the war ended. The only problem in my case was the century and a half of absence. Finally, they just called it a leave of absence for medical reasons."

Ha paused and took in took in the incredulous stares and then continued, "Hey! If being turned into a vampire isn't one hell of a medical condition then I don't know what is. Unfortunately, they refused to give me my old rank so I have to start as a sergeant. Somebody was even bold enough to claim that the confederates gave promotions to any old idiot and thus my rank of a major wasn't entirely deserved. That's nonsense of course, I gained all my promotions through utilization of my latent gift!"

The young dhampir at the front decided to interrupt him at that point. "Enough! Enough! You are stealing my spotlight! This is my show!" he shouted.

"Your show?! I thought this was about protecting my daughter!" exclaimed Bella.

Mr. Full-of-himself waved his hand dismissively and retorted, "Yeah, yeah - every quest has a background story despite the fact that few people actually read it. However, I am the undertaker of the quest here, you are just an NPC!"

Bella just opened her mouth in disbelief at this accusation. The dhampir continued, "Hey, don't be so down, there's silver lining in this case: some quests can actually unlock new PCs - your daughter in this case!" He tossed his sword to Nessie and she deftly caught it in her hand.

Edward wanted to object but Bella interrupted him, "So I'm just an NPC in your book? And everything I've experienced is a background story?!"

The dhampir chuckled and replied, "Oh come on! You didn't really think that it was real, did you? I mean, the whole story sounds like something a sixteen year old schoolgirl would write and what only thirteen year old girls would read. When Jasper and Alice told us what occurred here, the entire base laughed! And look at yourself - you are Mary Sue! Yuck! It might have been better if you started doing drugs, for example, after Emoward left you, that would give your character some juice and just imagine how guilty he would feel afterwards. Which reminds me that I have to admit that being Mary Sue is still better than being Emoward."

"Emoward?" repeated Edward angrily.

The dhampir started to mimic him in a high voice, "I'm such a monster! I don't have a soul! I deserve to die so I'll just step into sunlight! Hey, do you know why vampire women don't have period? Because Edward Cullen is menstrual enough for all of them!"

Bella and Edward wanted to respond to the insults but a Jeep arrived to the clearing at the moment. It was driven by some dhampiress. The shotgun position was occupied by a grey-haired colonel. He was smoking a cigar. When the car came to a stop, the colonel stood up and took the cigar out of his mouth, holding it between his index and middle finger. He quickly surveyed the scene on the clearing and barked, "Joey! Why isn't it done already?! You aren't using this opportunity to make a fool of yourself, are you?!" He pointed at the dhampir with the hand in which he was holding the cigar as he said the last bit.

Everyone was silent for a moment. Then Emmett asked, "Joey? Your name is Joey?"

Joey acted as if he didn't hear the question or the colonel's order. Then he mumbled in a low voice that the colonel was a very cliché character. In the meantime, Bella pulled a remote detonator from her back-pocket. She made sure to keep her hands behind her back.

"Wait a minute!" cried Carlisle. "Destroying the Volturi will have far-reaching ramifications. Who knows how the vampire population will react to that?"

"That's the beauty of it," explained Joey. "I could have attacked the Volturi right in the Volterra any time I wanted. However, that would have been perceived as an attack on the vampire world. This way, the destroyers of the Volturi will be hailed as saviours of the vampire world - and I'm sure the witnesses the Volturi have brought will spread the word about this and tell everybody that our cause was just. As for the organization, I'm sure the setting of a new vampiric government won't be such a pain as letting the current one exist."

"There is also one more aspect to consider," said Bella.

"And that is?" asked Joey.

"Well, aside from the fact that Irina's death can't go unpunished, Aro have seen Edward's memory. I'm not entirely sure whether I'm perfectly comfortable with that."

Joey beamed and addressed Aro, "See? She isn't entirely sure whether she is perfectly comfortable. That sounds pretty condemning if you ask me. Not that it matters, this fight will be a gold mine for XPs. I'm sure I'm going to level even though I've done that just recently. Hm... what kind of a special ability am I going to buy this time?"

At the word "condemning", Joey's comrades tensed in anticipation of what would follow. The Volturi were beginning to tire of the senseless bantering and prepared for battle. Their witnesses behind them weren't sure whether to run or to stay and watch. Joey's sister went into a nose-dive with her jet, heading straight at the Volturi. Bella wasted no time and pressed the detonator.

All hell broke loose where the Volturi stood. Their flank lines were swallowed by a wall of flame. The witnesses jumped back. The Volturi in the front lost their focus on their enemy as the flames licking their behinds triggered their survival instincts. Joey's sister launched her missiles, adding to the inferno. The VTOL and the helicopters opened fire from their cannons. Not that they could actually hit any vampires but that wasn't their intention in the first place. Instead, they strived to blanket the area where the Volturi stood and break their ranks.

The most important part of the clash took place on the ground, of course. There were no close engagements yet, the first few moments of the battle belonged to tactical repositioning and ranged attacks. The two groups of wolves bolted into a run to flank the Italians widely and take position between the trees. The scooters followed after them. The alphas remained behind with Bella. The two dhampirs who stood with the wolves followed them but kept closer to the opposing vampires. Jasper, Alice and Esme cleared away from the dhampirs and the alphas. With the other wolves gone, Alice was able to see almost perfectly once again. She used her gift to predict the movements of her targets and opened fire. Esme, quickly instructed by Jasper, took a position behind Alice, put her palms on her back and leaned against her to act as a living pillar to compensate for the recoil of Alice's gun. Edward, being able to predict the movements of his enemies through his own gift, started breaking his targets apart with AP slugs with no lesser accuracy. The humans opened fire as well but just like the air-crafts, it was merely a covering fire.

This lasted only a few seconds. Some of the Volturi guard managed to weave their way through the barrage of bullets and reach their enemies. Others decided to use what seemed to be the easiest way out and bolted to the sides. After all, there were no vampires in that direction. In the back, Aro and Caius were clinging to Renata. It was unclear whether her shield protected them from being targeted but so far, the were left pretty much alone. Marcus wasn't with them though. While his "brothers" were preoccupied, he turned away from them, shrugged his cloak off, and walked into the wall of fire before it could burn out.

Joey sprung into action. It was evident from the expression on his face that he had been waiting for this like a child for Christmas. A split of second before first vampire in his path could attack him, he drew an automatic Glock and squeezed. The attacking vampire got a handful of incendiary projectiles right in his face. They didn't do much damage but it was like throwing hot embers in a face of a human. The vampire roared in pain and covered his face with his fingers. Joey ran past him and emptied the rest of the magazine on another vampire. He continued straight for Aro and Caius. A third vampire came in his way. Joey evaded his attack, grabbed his arm at the elbow, swung him around and flung him away at the and of the spin. After that, only one more vampire seemed to be between him and his target. He slowed to a walk.

Demetri was near and noticed the danger. He briefly considered leaving his masters to their fate. However, he had been considered one of the most lethal vampires for centuries and he had got rather used to that. He didn't fancy the idea of running away from a half-vampire and was quite willing to test his skills against him. In the end, he placed himself between Joey and Aro.

Joey smiled when he saw Demetri and said, "I've hoped that we would meet. I've heard that you are quite skillful. That should make this enjoyable." While he spoke, he raised his hand towards the other vampire. Some kind of an invisible force seemed to emit from his palm. The other member of the guard fell to his knees and the blood of his victims started to ooze from his mouth, nose, ears and eyes. Joey then nodded at Demetri and the two of them assumed combat stances. Demetri noticed how human-like Joey's stance was and resolved that the fight shouldn't be difficult for as long as the half-vampire refrained from using his power.

At the same time, the guard members who were running away reached the forest. The dhampirs and the wolves were waiting for them. The dhampir who had gathered Alec's darkness before created some kind of a cocoon around his hand from it. As the vampires were nearing, he aimed his arm at a nearest one and shot a small ball of darkness. The vampire stopped in his track as he lost his senses. One of the helicopters was obviously coordinating with the dhampir and started to shoot at any affected vampires.

The dhampir on the opposite side of the clearing met the runners with even a more devastating effect. As the vampires approached, he raised his hands against them and released some kind of a whitish wave. It hit the legs of the vampire at the front. He cried in pain but kept running. He felt numbness in his feet at first. Then he tripped and fell to the ground. He looked down at his legs and yelled in horror when he saw that his feet were crumbling to dust.

In the meantime, Joey and Demetri started their duel. Demetri performed a series of attacks which Joey easily blocked. Then Demetri overreached and Joey's evasion left him momentarily unbalanced. Joey had other opportunities to attack before but he considered the last one to be especially inviting. He jumped about ten centimetres in the air and his right foot made an almost vertical circle in front of him. His boot connected with Demetri's head with such a force that a small crack could be heard. Demetri was lifted from the ground, his torso turned in the air and he fell face first in the snow. From a purely tactical point of view, Joey's action didn't make much sense - after all, a vampire can't get a concussion or a black-out from a kick in his head.

Demetri sputtered as he shook snow from his face and snarled, "What a hell? Fight like a vampire!"

"I'm not a vampire, dummy. Defend yourself!" retorted Joey and the ridiculous fist-fight continued. Aro was forgotten for the moment.

The others weren't about to wait around while Joey was doing his thing. The fight was pretty much over. Even the colonel left the Jeep and walked into the field, escorted by a group of suited soldiers. They reached the place where Joey and Demetri were fighting. The vampire that had been disabled by Joey started to pick himself up. The colonel gestured towards him with his cigar-holding hand. Two suited soldiers grabbed the vampire's arms and pulled. The artificial venom-enhanced muscles in their suits provided enough strength to tear the limbs of.

In the meantime, Nahuel and another dhampir walked through Renata's shield. Caius attempted to fight them but was grabbed by his neck and tossed out of the shield. Nahuel fixed his eyes on Aro while the other dhampir killed Renata. Caius got up and found himself looking at the Denali. Kate was at him immediately and started to shock him.

"I've never really tested for how long I can keep this up," she drawled in his ear.

Joey noticed that his prize was in danger and finished Demetri quickly. "Aro's mine!" he claimed.

"You had ample time to take his head," dismissed him Nahuel.

"But I've waited weeks for this!" wailed Joey.

"And we have waited for centuries!" boomed Vladimir and Stefan in chorus.

"And I've waited for weeks!" reiterated Joey in response.

A short argument about who should kill the two survivors followed.

"OK, OK, could you please stop arguing and could somebody, please, turn those two to ashes?" boomed the colonel. "It's just that I would like to be rid of them as soon as possible lest they might escape or something and I would prefer if this story had no sequels."

Tanya and her family started to tear Caius apart after that. The attention of the others turned to Aro. Joey eyed Vladimir and Stefan. Nobody noticed a soldier in a vamp-suit sneaking behind Aro.

"And score!" roared the soldier as he gave Aro's hair a lick from Caius's flame-thrower.

"Now wait a minute!" shouted Joey.

Aro started to yell and run around with his hair flaming behind him. Vladimir, Stefan, Nahuel and Joey leapt after him at the same time. Vladimir and Stefan were afraid of getting burned so they just grabbed a leg each. Nahuel and Joey grabbed an arm each. A moment later, the four of them stood above the burning torso, each of them holding on a stolen limb. The sneaky arsonist made a hasty retreat to the VTOL which was landing at the time.

"OK, that's it. Everybody who isn't a vampire, let's get out of here," ordered the colonel. "Our sparkly friends have a lot to discuss, I believe."

Huilen raised her hands above her head and called, "Excuse me? Could every vampire pay attention now please? Could all of us gather over there by the trees please? And somebody fetch at least some of the witnesses."

The colonel walked back to his Jeep. When he passed Sam, he told him, "We would like to meet you in your tribal council building, if that's all-right."

Renesmee was still sitting on Jacob's back so Bella just told him, "Go. Take Renesmee with you."

The non-vampires left the clearing, group after group. The documenting team left a camera and some other equipment with one of the military vampires before leaving. Finally, the clearing became devoid of beating hearts.

A vampire in civilian attire stepped forward and addressed the assembly, "Good morning, my name is John Gardner and I have been authorized by our superiors to speak on our behalf. As you might have noticed..."

"Excuse me," excused himself the vampire with the camera and stepped around the talker. He placed a microphone stand in the middle of the gathering and then walked back to his camera on a tripod. "Feel free to talk quickly but always talk loudly!" he advised.

"OK, could somebody explain what just happened?" demanded Eleazar.

"Well, I believe he wants to get a better sound..." answered Alice.

"Not that! This whole incident!"

Gardner laughed and answered, "That? Oh, we just felt that we needed to get rid of the Volturi before they somehow learned of our existence. However, dropping a nuke on Volterra would be perceived like a declaration of war on all vampires. So we needed them to commit a political suicide first. This area got our attention during the Seattle newborn crisis. It raised certain questions - the Volturi inactivity-wise and such. We would get to them eventually but then Alice and Jasper contacted us and provided us with a short-cut."

Alice explained, "After I started to explore the future, I noticed that it would eventually involve the same interference I'm getting from Renesmee. So we've started to search for it. However, I've left Bella with means to contact us should it prove necessary. And it truly proved convenient in the end - we gave Bella some napalm and she buried it in this clearing."

Jasper commented, "It didn't prove critical in the end but it was undoubtedly imposing. On the other hand, we have failed to foresee Irina being in danger."

"How were you able to keep this from us?" asked Carlisle Bella.

"Any vampire who can pretend that his or her change didn't hurt at all is a good actor without a question," sneered Jasper.

"OK, let's not get sidetracked here," interrupted them John Gardner. "As I was saying, the Volturi are gone and now you guys have to decide what to do about the future of the vampire world. Our superiors believe that this is an internal matter for your kind and that any interference would be detrimental. However, us, secondary vampires, lie in a grey area and while we have no interest in shaping the future of your world, we can aid those who would shape it in the right direction."

Jasper continued, "I, for myself, have also decided not to join this endeavour either, as have Alice and Bella and I believe that rest of our family will decide to tie their future with the human world rather than yours. After all, our worlds will need a communication bridge and our family can provide that."

Gardner took the floor again, "Still, everybody would be more comfortable if the new vampire government contained some 'vegetarians', as you put it." He looked at Eleazar after he finished.

Vladimir snarled, "And how exactly do you envision a rightly shaped vampire world? As one that answers to you? As one that doesn't prey on humans?!"

Gardner calmly answered, "No. Despite what you might think, we bear you no ill will for your choice of sustenance alone. That doesn't mean that everything goes. Most of you perceive people as a food, as a resource. Well, we share your perception - people are resource because they pay taxes. If a vampire starts rampaging around, slaughtering innocent taxpayers, our makers (dhampirs) will have no choice but to put him down, just like police would have to chase down a murderer. So I'll give you this advice: feed on those who aren't going to be missed. This will not only decrease the resources our government would have to employ on apprehending them but they also taste better, as I understand - so you've got no excuse not to comply. Sure, such a solution is not exactly moral but it will have to do."

Another dhampir-made vampire added, "Consider this well: modern technologies will make it impossible for vampires to move in populated areas without detection. So in a century or two, you shall have two choices: hide in some desolated crevices on the edges of the Earth or come out. That might sound scary but I believe our kind have much to give to the world. Especially you, primary vampires. As far as we know, our bodies have same properties. There are some cosmetic differences but both our kinds can survive in vacuum or endure high levels of radiation. But I believe that somewhere down the line, we would find that you can resist certain extreme conditions better than we do. I'm talking about space exploration here. Which is why I believe that we should reach some kind of agreement."

Then the talks about the future of the vampire world began. The Denali agreed to join the new leadership of the vampire world. The Romanians naturally expected to be in charge which some of the other vampires weren't so enthusiastic about.

* * *

While the vampires were having their discussion, the colonel arrived to La Push. He was accompanied by a soldier in a vamp-suit and several military officers. The only dhampirs who joined them were Nahuel, his sister Neilen and Joey.

The colonel, Joey and some official strode to the front of the hall where the pack, the elders and some others were assembled. Nahuel and the others remained in the back for the time being.

"Good morning, thank you for meeting us on such a short notice," started the colonel. "I trust that you have been already briefed by your boys about the events of this morning. I believe a short introduction is in order. Shortly after destruction of Johann, Nahuel over there and his family founded a group dedicated to preparation for a possibility of a war with vampires. This group was composed of dhampirs and secondary vampires and gradually grew in size and power. Four decades ago, the progress in weaponry development have convinced them to bring humans in the game. And so, here we are. Any questions?"

The Quileutes made no response.

The colonel continued, "Very good. I shall talk straight to the point. Our project has got great support from the above and quite a nice slice of the pie called the annual national budget has been allocated for it. Who wants a part of that slice?"

Again, there was no response. The colonel frowned and added, "Now, in case you are asking yourselves, 'Has that guy seriously offered us money? Is he trying to insult us?', let me correct you in this one point: it's not just any money, it's the taxpayers' money! What does it mean? It means that a part of the GDP is annually diverged to finance your work. And I assure you, after the events of this day, the support for our project is going to go up!"

Once again, there wasn't much of a response. Somebody asked, "And what exactly do you want from us?"

"Well, to join us of course. This is an offer which we give to each member of the pack. As for what would be your part on our project, that isn't so hard to deduce either."

Joey stepped forward at that moment and said, "About the same time I was born, our project created a fast response division. Some time ago I've became the chief of field operations of this division. Our task is to answer to any disturbances caused by vampires. Our operations were quite stifled due to the need for secrecy in the past and we had to limit ourselves to quick surgical strikes. While an average dhampir can keep up with an average vampire when it comes to speed, we couldn't risk that somebody would get away and tell the Volturi all about us. While this is no longer concern, we would appreciate help from somebody as fast as you. As you have seen, a dhampir can outmatch and outgift a vampire in most cases but we can't be everywhere. If there was somebody to cut off their retreat..."

A heated discussion ensued. Jacob and Renesmee were sitting aside from the discussion. Nahuel and his sister headed towards them after a while.

"So, you are the little Nessie Jasper and Alice told us about," said Nahuel's sister and stuck out her hand. "I'm Neilen, Johann's second oldest daughter."

Renesmee shook the offered hand and gave the usual reply, "Pleased to meet to you."

Nahuel grinned and remarked, "Well, look at that. The second oldest and the second youngest dhampiress on the planet, in one room together. That is, as far as we know."

"The second youngest?" asked Jacob.

"Indeed," confirmed Neilen. "A set of twins were born about a month ago - a boy and a girl. In fact, they are my eleven-times-grand-children. My oldest ten-times-grand-son is their father."

Jacob blinked at hearing such accounts on one's family. Then he asked, "And their mother?"

"She was a human so she had to be turned into a secondary vampire. The interesting thing is, if it weren't twins, she would survive it as a human - the babies not having full fifty percent of vampire DNA. But then she would just go through a five-year re-convalescence before having another baby and being turned anyway."

Nessie asked, "Our kind becomes weaker when we have more human ancestors than vampire ones?"

Neilen answered, "Oh, not at all. In the end, all dhampirs are same regardless of their ancestry (at least at this level of dilution). It just takes them longer to grow up. It's our estimate that my new eleven-times-grand-children will reach full maturity at the age of ten."

Nahuel commented, "I don't think you have to worry about that though - yours will be a whole new case."

Nessie frowned and asked, "But my parents are a human and a vampire - just like yours."

Nahuel quickly responded, "No, I mean yes - you are a normal first-gen dhampir. I was talking, you know, about your children." His eyes moved quickly to Jacob and back to Nessie.

Neither Nessie nor Jacob made any response to that. Neilen admonished her brother, "Damn you. Isn't it bad enough that she's being groomed? She doesn't need you to fill her head with this as well."

"What? What are you talking about?" asked Jacob when he heard the word "groomed".

Neilen leaned closer to him and explained in a tense voice, "I'm talking about child grooming. Do you know what it is?" She leaned even closer. "That's a special case of paedophilia!"

Jacob's eyes went wide and he spluttered, "What?" Several other people in the vicinity turned towards the conversation as well.

Neilen continued, "It means that you are preparing a child for a future relationship with you. While nothing explicit takes place before she reaches maturity, it's still illegal."

"It's not like that! It's not like that at all!" defended Jacob himself.

"Isn't it? As I see it, your imprinting serves as a means to improve your tribe through selective breeding. So don't you dare to give me any excuses about it being completely innocent - the relationship between a wolf and his imprint is always completely sexual in nature!"

Their discussion drew attention of even more people at that point. Some started to argue with Neilen.

She defended her opinion, "It's the law. Jacob and Quil have two options: stay away from their imprints now or stay away from them when they grow up! Wouldn't you agree with me, colonel?"

The colonel scratched his head and replied, "I don't know. It would be hypocritical from me if I agreed - after all, I'm sending ten year old kids to hunt vampires."

While the argument continued, an inconspicuously looking car drove past the council building slowly. Nobody noticed that there was no driver.

**AN:** _Somebody could say: "If the dhampirs are so awesome, why didn't they save Irina?" Well, a story where they did would be very similar to this one and I believe that the readers should have no trouble imagining how it would go without having to read it. _


End file.
